Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Finding my happy.

I firmly believe people come into your life for a reason.
That reason is usually a learning experience that you can take with you.
As of recent I've been experiencing a lot of internal battles.  
Battles that I have found myself trying to pin on other people like
"Oh I feel this way because this person did this."  Everyday 
it gets worse and worse leaving me feeling more anxious and more stressed.
So much so that I've been having trouble sleeping and concentrating
and it's causing my face to have this pitiful squishy look to it.

Well, I just took an hour long cab ride from downtown Chicago to O'Hare with 
the most amazing man.  When I entered the cab we joked and laughed about
something but 20 minutes later we were in this really deep and nice conversation
that I needed more than anything.  He had reacted to something I said 
and so started telling me about something he learned a year ago.  Basically, 
he was talking about the power of the mind.  

                         "you are wise
                                 cabdriver man"

Now this is all stuff I had heard before.. nothing new.  
But what was different about this conversation was
instead of just saying "you are in charge of your own happiness!! 
Ta-daa!!  Now go be happy!", he taught
me how to implement that concept in my life.  

I told him about my stress and he told me that my stress is not actual stress. 
That it is in actuality just life, and fun and learning and experiencing new 
things and that that I, in my mind, made it into stress.  I know y'all are 
probably thinking "Ok Karen... calm down.." but honestly it's true.
I keep taking these wonderful things that should be exciting, happy and fun and 
building them into these tangled up balls of stress and torturous anxiety.

It was bizarre that this concept is something I've known and 
even preached about, but something I had yet to actually implement in my life.
 And this guy... was just placed in front of me and was like 
"girl... this is how you do it". 

Buddha.  Buddha came to me! 
Kidding.. but anyways..

We touched on how you get what you give.. and again I know 
I've said that soooo many times! But what I was missing out of this concept of 
Karma was that you can't give to get something out of someone else.  
Even if it's something as small as a smile.
That is not the point.
..and you will get let down.
But you need to give positivity and good energy purely to better you as a person.  
Not to literally get something tangible in return.  

I keep finding myself saying "why is this happening, I'm a good person" 
but I'm missing the point.  I need to be a "good person" or 
whatever.. to better myself.. to make me happy.. and stop trying to find
happiness through the reactions or gestures from other people.

And when you find that happy.. you will be giving it to other people organically.
 Not because you're putting in effort to try to change someone, something
or some situation.  When you meet a truly happy person..
there are so many good things that come out of your experience with them.
Whether it's inspiration, a good vibe or whatever.. and now I get it.
I want to be that person for me. 

You can't control what other people do, but you can control what you do.

It's simple... and I thought I understood it.
But clearly I was missing the point.

We also talked about holding onto negativity and grudges.
But that's a whole other conversation.

He was also really passionate about Louis Vuitton's window displays.
So he's like.... super cool.


  1. Dude. First of all. You're just as stylish and cool and great as I remember you in college. But secondly - I had a very similar experience with a cab driver last September. At the Exact Right Time for me - not the right time for me to "need" it, but the right time for me to take it in and realize how to apply those things you hear "all the time" to my current experience (and actions and reactions).

    So fuck yes to your experience, and god bless that man, eh?

    Xo Mryan


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